leonlovesyou

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 18:32:03 GMT

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.

If only life could be like a movie, then i would know where i stand.

Confessions

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 08:08:12 GMT

NIN: Best concert I've ever seen in my life.

Girlfriend: Great. But something is missing; something i can't exactly put my fingers upon.
"Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.
I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all yellow"
-Coldplay

Ex: I still think about her. She haunts my mind.

"I still recall the taste of my tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head till I dont want to sleep anymore.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
Im down to just one thing.
And Im starting to scare myself.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go way.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have"

-NIN

Friends: Dwindling. I can't seem to keep my friends. Loneliness is my best friend, right next to Teddy, he's my second best friend.

"All the pigs are all lined up
I give you all that you want
Take the skin and peel it back
Now doesnt that make you feel better?"
-NIN

Parents: Crazy, they are so fuckin' crazy.

"Head like a Hole
Black as your soul
I'd rather die than give you control...

Bow down before the one you serve, you're going to get what you deserve"
-NIN

School: Lame.

Work: Non-existant.

Myself: ?

Because i never post...

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 10:27:20 GMT

Well, now this is a rarity in deed; i'm actually posting something up on this stupid livejournal.

Updates on my life:

I've gained 5 pounds and i've gotten so heavy that sometimes i breath really hard and i feel like fainting...eww..i might as well become morbidly obese because i don't plan on living so long...

Second, my love life is, well, non-existing and will probably continue to be like that for a while, at least, until some stupid naive girl runs into me and well...use you're imagination.

Third: school is wrapping up and it looks like i'll be keeping my super inflated high GPA of 3.46...once i go to Japan for college or UH MAnoa...i'm sure to be getting 2.56's instead...

Fourth: My birthday is coming up soon and i have no idea what to do ... i'll be 19 and i don't feel too happy about it. I'm one more day closer to dying, one day closer to being old and alone, one more day of :( . On the bright side, one day after my birthday is the Kon and i'll be stoked to go as Light Yagami...that is, if i stop being lazy and start buying the other half of my costume...

Fifth: I hate church.

Sixth: I hate people...they tend to piss me off and i wish they'd all go away...

7th: I bought a DVD from toysnjoys...Deathnote The last name...it is awesome. MisaMisa is one hotsexyasianpiece...

oh yea....it's that good.

8th: Procrastination is a bitch and i hate KCC for being so slow to tell me whether or not i made it into the Freeman scholarship program so i know whether or not i'm going to Japan or UH Manoa.

Last comment of the day:

"If i were to say i am depressed, i'd be only half right. I'm more than just depressed, i have this sinking feeling, this kind of feeling where i'm not sure if everything is going to be okay. I feel like i just survived a car crash and the doctors are slowly unraveling the banadages around my body and with every unwrap i see a part of myself that i find hideous. I can't stop looking and i can't make the doctors stop, they just keep unraveling and unraveling and i'm afraid that when they stop, i'll find myself a mess and i won't even recognize myself. I've sunken so far into self-loathing apathy of despair that i don't think i'll survive this time.

Maybe i died on that operating table or sometime after the surgery. hell as i know it that if i did survive, therapy is going to be a painful bitch...

It's been a while...

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 00:12:13 GMT

I finally fuckin' did it.

I fuckin' graduated from High School....

!Yay!

oh fuckin' great is that?...

FUCKIN' good.

Okay...time to play more guitar.

i don't wanna be fat.

Happy Birthday

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 22:05:06 GMT

Happy Birthday Gina.

You're 18 now.

:D

life sucks...

i hate running.

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 06:56:26 GMT

!Yay!

P.E. is over. now i can get fat in peace.

:D

yay.

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 08:26:35 GMT

whoa.

i had fun.

today.

was.

a.

good day...a very good day.

whoa.

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 06:16:06 GMT

life is crazy right now.

but...

i think i like it.

for now.

:D well...tomorrow our whole senior class is having a picnic.

whoopdefuckin' doo. i hate my class.

i hate the beach.

:D

I'm dying...

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 03:27:55 GMT

well...

yay. i don't think i can go out this weekend.

:D

oh well.

it seems, according to my principal, that i will not graduate this year.

:D

FUCK YOU KAMEHAMEHA HIGH SCHOOL KAPALAMA CAMPUS...they should have told me that a long time ago. i would have stopped wasting my time and just go to Pearl City.

:D

what a fuckin' awesome day.

Lyrics for "Calluses prod by Malakai"
Calluses:
lyrics by Ceschi Ramos
music by Malakai
written March 2005
--------------------------

it's been long enough now
that i can laugh about it
without tear jerks
or suicidal notes
and although life's changed
my feet won't stop moving
and calluses just continue to cover my whole being...
i thought i loved you then
i know i love you now
and i wont forget a single second of the time we spent
little boo I'll never be able to just replace you
by taking your photos from out of my wallet
and wallowing in my own sorrow for hours
what a fucking joke...
another half truth...
jumping out of the mouth of an idiot that still cares for you
as much as the first day that he met you
and as much as he regrets to tell you
he'd stop rapping in the third person if he could only smell you
well you
could have been better at telling the truth about how you felt
but
i should have focused my energy on being someone else
who would have listened to every word that you could possibly utter
and follow up promises even when obstacles seemed to be stuck inbetween summer covers
i miss
the
moments when thinking was optional
total bliss,
love
at its pinnacle
seeping throughout our bodies
and then some
when we became one
there wasn't a single force in the world that could shake us

and now im dead sure
that I was dead on
that we should be together til death
and then some
that you were drop dead beautiful
im never dead wrong
or else
id be dead and gone
and there'd be no dreaded song
i'd just be headed along
with you between my temples
finger painting fictional flowers throughout my mental
overpowered but gentle
sweeter than sour tempered
just fiending for an hour when we could be back together
but evil convenience was easier than love
in fact....most everything is easier than love
it's wack
but I guess that every human being deserves it
for being born with mortal sin
all torn up in
stomachs and aching bones
i know that you could never just stomach these aching moans
disguised as faking poems
but It's the only way I'll come to grips with what went wrong
it's the only way i'll clear my throat of these bent frogs
and it's embarassing sometimes - i know
but i hope that listeners realize that this pain stems from growth

well here's that third verse that I usually cut from songs
and maybe it's a symbol of me finally moving on
or maybe it just means that i never want to let go
or possibly it's signifying loss of self control
and a last desperate attempt to reach what's missing from my soul
with a few pitiful words that won't even graze her earlobes
but i'll give it a shot though
and rock slow enough so she can know whats up
just not fold her arms and say
"he's nuts, he's crazy, he's making it tough"
i hope she knows I give a fuck
more than HIV penises and pussies on hollywood sluts
im sorry for not giving up
im sorry for caring too much
im sorry for giving apologies so many times that Im stuck in a rut
I wish that this could be the last time that i said love
and sometimes wishes come true
so now this song is done

My tummy rumbles like it's on Fire.

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 04:39:37 GMT

I hate Livejournal.

it is such a waste of my time.

yet, here i am, continuing to write in this damn little box on my screen, as if i needed therapy.

I get enough therapy once a month at the Office of Dr.Hsu.

What a waste of my time. My parents think that some sort of miracle will descend from her office and suddenly make me better.

I'm still waiting for the miracle.

I don't think it'll ever come...at least...not the type of miracle my parents want.

I woke up late today, actually, i woke up tired today. I took my time driving to the mall, sorry walter; i didn't mean to keep you waiting...

i had the hardest time driving home today, my eyes wouldn't stay open. I just wanted to sleep.

The more i sleep, the more sick i feel. this house sufforcates me, and i'm not being emo, really, this house is sufforcating me.

The walls are white, the blinds are dinge brown with thick layers of dust from the neglect of my hands, the windows are dirty and covered with a good thick layer of grime from the rain.

I think i need to move out...but i lack the job, time, and will power to do something.

Sometiems i think i'm too laid back for my own good, sometimes i think i'll never get out of here.

*sigh* i'm not emo.

I hate livejournal.

:D

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Mon, 17 Apr 2006 17:57:57 GMT

i hate livejournal.

:D

the anime convention rocked sooo hard. soooo hard.

i love it.

i can't stop talkin' about it. If anybody knows the name of the girl in the black chobits costume. tell me.

:D

goddamm this monday.

hugable_twinky@hotmail.com — Mon, 17 Apr 2006 17:56:20 GMT

!Yay! no school for me.

:D !yay!

anime convention rocked sooo hard. I can't stop talkin' about it. and i just realized something........

oh never mind.

i hate this livejournal. it's not the same.